Be the change you want to see.

I'm coming off of about three weeks of head-and-chest-cold which had a bonus several hours of flash-fever on Christmas Eve and a heavy period at the same time.

Joy and rapture do not describe my recent frame of mind.

So I finally got to work out with Tal again, after quite awhile, just day before yesterday (Friday).

And nobody is surprised that, even being gentle, she totally kicked my ass and I am sore and tired and emotional today. (the emotional bit is more complicated than just having had a workout and being sore, but I'm not going to get into it now because it is complicated.)

I wonder how long it will take before I can reliably depend on the exercise endorphins again, because that would be a REALLY Good Thing. Probably I need to be able to breathe reliably first, and I feel like I am almost there.

Nothing makes me think about my mortality and aging like having difficulty breathing. FUCK me. I really really HATE that, it goes from depressing to terrifying. And I can only admit that, now that I'm almost done with it, almost back to normal.

One very good thing about Friday's workout, is that I'm still, still after weeks of not being able to work out and feeling weak like a newborn kitten? I'm STILL stronger than I think I am. I've got to do more physical stuff so I can grok it all the way into my bones... I am STRONGER. I can DO STUFF.

How do you get to understand that your physical self has actually changed for the BETTER and it doesnt automagically return to your former state if you neglect it for just a little while?

Well. I don't know.

I'm going to go do some more stuff and enjoy the fact that I CAN.