Be the change you want to see.

here's a paste of the tumblr:

The depression is back.

I have a zoom meeting with my therapist in just under an hour, and I'm making a list of things to talk about that just. Keeps getting longer.

I feel like the "big things" I was going to talk about are actually lifelong symptoms of depression and unsupportive relationships, but the underlying issues are ... Like they go back to childhood.

Wish me luck, I don't know how to get started coping, but I guess that's why I have a therapist.

Thank fuck for having room in the budget to do this.

Continuing to deep breathe and try to do something useful till I have to set up the call.

Her suggestions included asking friends to please invite me to things, to try and find a way of scheduling or adding structure into my day, she called them landmark points. I mentioned that 12:34 made me smile every time I noticed it, and she suggested setting an alarm at 12:34 just to notice, appreciate, and smile. We realized that I could offer help to people, kind of the same way that I leave comments on AO3, meaning to be encouraging.

She also said that making a point of noticing the things that make me feel better, like small chores and small tidying, and just enjoying that moment of feeling better, can be helpful. Similarly when something makes me smile, too take 10 seconds 12 seconds and just be in that moment of smiling, of appreciation or laughter or whatever.

And she also said rather than shoulding all over myself, instead of beating myself up over a lack of perceived productivity, that I could create some system of reminders of what kind of person I want to be, instead of what I want to do.

Human BEING, not human DOING, as the artist SARK previously said.

But just having her validation that depression is hard, and sometimes we need to ask for help, was so useful that I cried a little, and then we were able to come up with the above list.

If you are battling depression? You're not alone. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍

Little things that help:

• Silly videos on Tumblr
• B Dylan Hollis videos (also see above)
• Picking one small task to finish. (Dopamine hit) I chose to put away scattered jewelry to start with.
• Annnnd let yourself enjoy small pleasures. So as I was putting the jewelry away I put on the new earrings I bought at the recent craft fair. 🥑 They’re tiny silver avocados and they delight me.
• Spend time in delight, joy, pleasure, silliness, and connection. I just booked a date to make jewelry together with my friend L!
• Ride the momentum. After putting the jewelry away I hung up the hair ties, my jacket, and yesterday’s jeans. Then I got something to eat, and out away a few more things in the kitchen. I wouldn’t have done that before I talked with my therapist, I was out of can.
• Celebrate the small victories. Like I just did, here, with this post. 🥰