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Last night I dreamed that I cut off hair on one side of my face.
I did it badly, it was ugly, and a shocking change after growing it out for 18 months without a haircut.
There wasn't a reason for it as far as I can recall. Not in the dream anyway. Though I did just read some evocative pieces about women reclaiming themselves as they cut their hair short, to THEIR liking, not because parents or friends or lovers like their hair long...
But then in the dream, I was okay with it. I'd done something I wasn't entirely happy with, but I knew it could be made better, that I knew someone who'd help me make it better (Tysa's a hairdresser and really good), but most importantly:
It's only a CHANGE. A change isn't always a Mistake, and if it were, well.
MISTAKES ARE FIXABLE.
Why I have to keep learning this, I don't know, but I know that I do.
In possibly related news, I spent yesterday with Jeff doing a massive overhaul of my art, jewelry, sewing, and witchy storage and workspace. It was uncomfortable and poked my buttons and insecurities. Jeff was kind and very patient and I tried to be very transparent about feeling things. Once I took a minute to put my head down on my arms on the kitchen table to breathe and feel, and he rubbed my back, and when he stopped I grabbed his hand and he came back and rubbed my back comfortingly some more.
It's been a bit like breaking up scar tissue, but on my feelings instead of my body, for a change.
My stuff isn't ME. My IDEAS aren't me, though it often feels like they are.
It was also a little bit like when you move house and have to figure out what to keep and what is throw out, and where things can go now.
There's a lot of Work, and feeling Feelings about your literal Things, but once you have made all the decisions and put stuff where it goes, it feels GOOD. Satisfying.
There's a good bit more to get done, but I'm feeling better now that I've written.
I did it badly, it was ugly, and a shocking change after growing it out for 18 months without a haircut.
There wasn't a reason for it as far as I can recall. Not in the dream anyway. Though I did just read some evocative pieces about women reclaiming themselves as they cut their hair short, to THEIR liking, not because parents or friends or lovers like their hair long...
But then in the dream, I was okay with it. I'd done something I wasn't entirely happy with, but I knew it could be made better, that I knew someone who'd help me make it better (Tysa's a hairdresser and really good), but most importantly:
It's only a CHANGE. A change isn't always a Mistake, and if it were, well.
MISTAKES ARE FIXABLE.
Why I have to keep learning this, I don't know, but I know that I do.
In possibly related news, I spent yesterday with Jeff doing a massive overhaul of my art, jewelry, sewing, and witchy storage and workspace. It was uncomfortable and poked my buttons and insecurities. Jeff was kind and very patient and I tried to be very transparent about feeling things. Once I took a minute to put my head down on my arms on the kitchen table to breathe and feel, and he rubbed my back, and when he stopped I grabbed his hand and he came back and rubbed my back comfortingly some more.
It's been a bit like breaking up scar tissue, but on my feelings instead of my body, for a change.
My stuff isn't ME. My IDEAS aren't me, though it often feels like they are.
It was also a little bit like when you move house and have to figure out what to keep and what is throw out, and where things can go now.
There's a lot of Work, and feeling Feelings about your literal Things, but once you have made all the decisions and put stuff where it goes, it feels GOOD. Satisfying.
There's a good bit more to get done, but I'm feeling better now that I've written.
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